Team Edward vs Team Jacob: There can be only one!!

I want to pose some ideas to help you answer the greatest question of life: Are you Team Jacob or Team Edward?

We just came back from seeing the new Twilight movie tonight. I do want to point out in that sentence I said "we". I did not go by myself, wearing the t-shirt and squealing everytime Jacob takes his shirt off or Edward gives Bella the "tortured soul" look. No, I went with my wife who did all those things. I have to admit, I did like the movie. I didn't read the books so had nothing to compare the movies to but the best part about the movie compared to the books: no reading. Anyway, I did want to give some pros and cons to those out there who havent made up their mind about whose team to be on: Team Edward or Team Jacob.

First we will start with Pros for Edward and cons for Jacob:

Edward
-In the sunlight, He is beautiful and sparkles like diamonds
Jacob
-In the sunlight, He looks normal but pants in the heat and slobbers

Edward
-In water, he can walk and doesnt need to breathe underwater
Jacob
-In water, he smells like wet dog

Edward
-He sparkles
Jacob
-He sheds
(Would you rather have rose pedals waiting for you around the house or hairballs and fur)

And now pros for Team Jacob
Edward
-He wears expensive clothes
Jacob
-Doesnt wear shirts, save on your clothing budget

Jacob
-muscles
Edward
-no muscles

Edward
-You can climb trees with Edward
Jacob
-You can pet Jacob

Edward
-He drinks blood which is free but he has to hunt for it
Jacob
-He eats a lot of meat (expensive) or $10.99 for a 20 lb bag of Purina Dog chow (cheap)

Edward
-It is very difficult to convince Edward to do anyhting and must compromise with marriage
Jacob
-Offer Jacob a dog biscuit and he'll do anything: shake, lay down, play dead, stay, etc

If you are still having a hard time coming up with a decision I have come up with other ideas that dont have a clear cut pro or con. Its up to you decide.

Edward
-He is cold-blooded so in summer, you'd save money on air-conditioning, but useless in winter
Jacob
-He is warm-blooded and furry so in winter, you'd save on heat but in summer he would be hot and uncomfortable. You ever try cuddling with a dog in the summer heat. Not fun.

Edward
-As a vampire, you could never have children but you would never grow old
Jacob
-with a werewolf, you would grow old togther but have puppies and grand-puppies. And not one at a time, but a litter of eight. Ask Jon and Kate and Octo-mom how that turned out.

Edward
-He has to hunt, so he'd go away for long weekends with the guys
Jacob
-He would stay at home with you, but instead of cuddling he might prefer to scoot on the carpet.

Edward
-The two most important things to him: you and blood.
Jacob
-The two most important things to him: you and a tennis ball.

So I hope that has helped you make a decision on which Team you would like to join. Or you could always join the team every girl in America is on: Team I hate Bella. She twitches.

Off to watch Rambo and kill a shark with my bare hands to regain my manhood,

The Joyful and Tired Dad