Saturday, April 27, 2013

Things I've said this week.

Thinking back over this week, I realize I say some of the craziest, weirdest things I never thought I would say in my life.  But once you add 3 kids, let alone boys into your life, you find yourself capable of saying just about anything.  We have all heard of the TV show, "Kids say the Darndest Things."  Well they should release a reality show following the typical day of a parent and name it: "Parents say the Darndest Things."  But I also realized this show would be the parents saying the same thing, multiple times to each child multiple times.  So here are some things I've said just this week alone.

-"Zachary and Drew, please don't pee outside.  Go inside to use the bathroom."

-"Nate.  I told your brothers to go inside to pee.  Please pull your pants up and pee inside.  And next time, dont pee in front of the neighbor girls."

-"Nate.  Don't lick the baseball."

-"Drew.  Don't lick it.  I just told Nate not to.  Why would you do it too?"

-"Zachary.  You are almost 8.  You know better not to lick the baseball especially after I told each of your brothers not to do it.  Why do you think it would be funny the third time around?"

-"Drew, please put the puppy down." (this has been said 1265 times in this week alone.)

-"Why would you pick her up, Nate, when I just told Drew to put her down?" (while I was saying this, Drew picks the puppy up again.)

-"Please eat your dinner.  You can't be done, you haven't eaten anything yet.  Oh, your belly is full.  No you can not have dessert now, you just said your belly is full.  How come there is room for dessert but no room for your entire dinner?"

-"No Drew, I didn't realize I was the worst baseball player you've ever seen.  Thanks for your words of encouragement."

-"Zachary, please do your homework.  Zachary, did you do your homework?  Ok, stop watching TV and go do it.  Zachary, focus, do your homework please.  Zachary, did you finish it?  Oh, haven't started?  Please do it now.   Zachary, over here.  Woohoo, over here.  Do your homework.  Did you do all of it?  OK go finish it then.  Oh, forget it."

-"Drew please stop whining.  I don't speak Whining, so I don't understand you.  You have not said one word to me today in English.  It has only been in Whining - the native language of the 5 year old."

-"Nate I am not going to sleep next to you tonight.  I need to go wash my eyes."

-"Drew, How much candy have you had tonight?  From that whiny 'NO!' I will take that as a lot."

And my personal favorite:
-"Nate that is not a tootsie roll, that is the puppy's poop.  Thanks for bringing it to me, now go wash your hands."

Please forward this to any NBC executives you know, I have a show to pitch,
The Joyful and Tired Dad