If you read my last blog about theology and my five year old, you will appreciate this story that happened the same day. As a precursor please understand my wife is an amazing mother and spouse and it was a long stressful day yesterday for her.
My middle child, Drew, (who is 2) had bilateral hernia surgery yesterday but he is perfectly fine now except a little sore. We have been keeping him down so he can rest and recover while family has been calling or stopping by with presents/food. We got a call today from Drew's uncle that he would be stopping by with a present for Drew. So we prepped our five year old Zachary that he would not be receiving a present. So I went into this "kid-friendly" explanation about how Drew went to the hospital where he had procedure to help his hurt belly. And now his belly is better but hurts from this procedure so people will bring him presents to make him feel better. So Zachary should not get upset about not receiving any presents today. He seemed to understand and I was feeling pretty proud as a parent about explaining bilateral hernia repair surgery in 'toddler speak' so he could understand me without scaring him about the actual procedure and risks involved. Well my wife turns to me and says "I know you are trying to be very gentle about this but watch this: Zachary, why did Drew go to the hospital?" To which Zachary replies non-chalantly, "to get his belly cut open with a knife."
Apparently, after a long stressful day, my wife in her frustration of constantly debating with Zachary why Drew was getting special treatment today blurted out that the truth was Drew just had his belly cut open with a knife. It obviously worked cause Zachary didn't bother him too much the rest of the day.
So if that works, I am going to tell them I had bilateral below knee amputations where they cut deep into my epidermis and fascia, down through tissue and sinew, cutting and ripping, to finally use a bone saw to separate my tibia and fibula bones from my patella then surgically reattached every nerve, artery and vein, glued the bones together, and applied the skin graft to make everything look like nothing ever happened; so that is the reason I need to spend some time on the couch.
Doing whatever I can for a little peace and quiet,
The Joyful and Tired Dad