I am sore. I woke up sore and it am still sore. Thank you Motrin. I knew I would be sore going into a new workout routine but did not realize how much. I can still get up steps so I consider that a win. The other side affect I was not expecting was how good I feel about doing this program. I am so happy to be doing a strict program of diet, exercise, and supplements that is a proven system at will give results. I can look past the soreness to the end goal of a healthier, sexier me.
Day 2 Diet and supplement routine:
7:30: MNS color pack, 3 catalyst, 2 ThermoPlus
7:30: workout
8:00: Meal replacement shake, 2 MNS white packs
10:30: 1/4 cup sunflower seeds
12:30: MNS color pack, 3 catalyst, 2 ThermoPlus
1:00: grilled chicken salad
3:30: Muscle gain shake
6:00: zucchini spaghetti
8:30: bw3s naked wings, 2 Carb-ease
Exercise
Today's exercise routine gives you a break from the hard workout from yesterday but still not letting you off too easy. The program calls for a 30 minute moderate intensity (70% effort) workout. I chose to do a 30 minute jog. I don't know if I could have done much more because my legs were already sore from the interval workout and leg exercise from yesterday. It was the perfect choice to give your body a rest from intense strain but still raise your heart rate through cardio and workout the entire body. I feel so accomplished to do the jog and even happier to have it out of the way.
I wanted to touch on supplements briefly. Many people think "Health is all about diet and exercise only so why supplements? As long as I eat right and exercise I will be fine." I thought this way too for a long time. And I do believe you will be "fine." But why not be excellent and give your body proper nutrition that you can not get from the foods we eat. The following video really helped me understand "why supplements?"
http://youtu.be/7Vp879Gck6g
I will try to document some product highlights so you can see why I am taking these supplements throughout this challenge.
-The Joyful and Tired Dad
Friday, August 16, 2013
Lean in 13 - Day 1
Lindsey and I started a new challenge today that is going to transform our bodies and life and I wanted to share my journey with you. I was tired of dieting on and off and working out inconsitently with no plan when I went to the gym. I did not know what worked or did not work. I figured if I felt tired after the gym and sore the next day than I must have done something right. But I had no direction. I had worked out with a trainer in the past but nothing stuck with me. I needed a new challenge that would incorporate diet and excercise together.
The new challenge is called "Lean in 13." It is part of an Advocare challenge plan that includes eating guidelines, work-out regiment, and daily supplements.
I started the challenge with a pre-challenge 10 day cleanse. I needed to clean out my "lint trap." A dryer will dry your clothes adaquaetly but if you clean out the lint trap, the dryer is going to be the most efficient and dry your clothes with less energy and faster. Your body collects toxins (the lint) throughout our life through the foods we eat and the even the air we breathe. So first I needed to clean out the system. I did the Advocare 10 day cleanse with great results. Even though it is not a "weight loss" program, I still ended up losing 3 pounds in 10 days! And the best part of the cleanse, is that it was gentle and uneventful. No lengthy bathroom visits and upset stomachs.
So today marks the first day of the Lean in 13 plan: 8/15/13. Here is the break down of my supplement, diet, and excercise routine.
Supplement and Diet:
7:30: MNS "30 minute before breakfast" color pack, 3 Catalyst, and 2 ThermoPlus
8:00: Meal Replacement Shake, and 2 MNS "white" packs
10:30: 1/4 cups almonds
(11:00: workout)
12:30: MNS "30 minues before Lunch" color pack, 3 Catalyst, and 2 ThermoPlus
1:00: Grilled Chicken Salad - 8 ounces grilled chicken, lettuce, onion, celery
3:00: Muscle Gain Protein Shake
5:30: Zucchini Spaghetti - zucchini, organic marinara sauce, grilled chicken
8:00: Celery with natural peanut butter
Excercise:
The Lean in 13 program follows a specific workout regiment to maximize results and allow the body to "burn" fat using a 3 day "Burn phase" and 1 day "Refuel Phase" pattern. Within the 3 day "Burn Phase" day 1 and 3 include interval training and weight lifting and day 2 is only moderate intesity cardio. Day 4 the "refuel phase" is light cardio to recover.
So day 1 consists of interval training and weight lifting. At 11:00 I started my interval training with a run outside. I now know the difference between a jog and a run! I would always jog in the past but not on this program.
I chose the intermediate level which consists of 30 minutes of interval training. This is what I did:
Minute 1 is 50% effort - a walk
Minute 2 is 70% effort - a jog
Minute 3 is 100% effort - a sprint
This was for 30 minutes, so 10 circuits of this 3 minute pattern. I used the app: "Interval Timer - For Fitness and Workouts" a free app (on apple app store) that you can setup to buzz at each interval to cue when to switch to the next minute. It was one of the hardest workouts I've done in a long time. But after I was finished, I felt amazing.
After the interval training, Lindsey and I did the weight lifting portion. This is what I did:
5 body part sections, 2 sets each: Chest/back, biceps/triceps, shoulders, legs, and abdominals. Repeitions and weights depended on the "burn" of each set. I did the set until I felt the muscle burn then did 2 more. The total time probably took 15 minutes of weight lifting.
So total of 45 minutes of a workout and my body was spent. I knew I had worked out. I knew I achieved max burn in the muscles and max heart rate with the cardio interval training with the ultimate goal of maximizing fat burning and metabolism boosting.
Today is Day 1 of 13. Currently my weight is 179.6. I took my measurements as well.
If you are interested in this program here are some links to the different parts of the program:
Lean in 13 Program - http://www.choosethechallenge.com/lean-in-13.html
Advocare Products/Supplements - http://www.24andmuchmore.com
My hope in documenting this process is 1) keep myself accountable and 2) Use my body as an example for others to see there is hope for them to reach their fitness/weight goals and to live a healthier lifestyle. Keep in touch to see my journey and results.
-The Joyful and Tired Dad
The new challenge is called "Lean in 13." It is part of an Advocare challenge plan that includes eating guidelines, work-out regiment, and daily supplements.
I started the challenge with a pre-challenge 10 day cleanse. I needed to clean out my "lint trap." A dryer will dry your clothes adaquaetly but if you clean out the lint trap, the dryer is going to be the most efficient and dry your clothes with less energy and faster. Your body collects toxins (the lint) throughout our life through the foods we eat and the even the air we breathe. So first I needed to clean out the system. I did the Advocare 10 day cleanse with great results. Even though it is not a "weight loss" program, I still ended up losing 3 pounds in 10 days! And the best part of the cleanse, is that it was gentle and uneventful. No lengthy bathroom visits and upset stomachs.
So today marks the first day of the Lean in 13 plan: 8/15/13. Here is the break down of my supplement, diet, and excercise routine.
Supplement and Diet:
7:30: MNS "30 minute before breakfast" color pack, 3 Catalyst, and 2 ThermoPlus
8:00: Meal Replacement Shake, and 2 MNS "white" packs
10:30: 1/4 cups almonds
(11:00: workout)
12:30: MNS "30 minues before Lunch" color pack, 3 Catalyst, and 2 ThermoPlus
1:00: Grilled Chicken Salad - 8 ounces grilled chicken, lettuce, onion, celery
3:00: Muscle Gain Protein Shake
5:30: Zucchini Spaghetti - zucchini, organic marinara sauce, grilled chicken
8:00: Celery with natural peanut butter
Excercise:
The Lean in 13 program follows a specific workout regiment to maximize results and allow the body to "burn" fat using a 3 day "Burn phase" and 1 day "Refuel Phase" pattern. Within the 3 day "Burn Phase" day 1 and 3 include interval training and weight lifting and day 2 is only moderate intesity cardio. Day 4 the "refuel phase" is light cardio to recover.
So day 1 consists of interval training and weight lifting. At 11:00 I started my interval training with a run outside. I now know the difference between a jog and a run! I would always jog in the past but not on this program.
I chose the intermediate level which consists of 30 minutes of interval training. This is what I did:
Minute 1 is 50% effort - a walk
Minute 2 is 70% effort - a jog
Minute 3 is 100% effort - a sprint
This was for 30 minutes, so 10 circuits of this 3 minute pattern. I used the app: "Interval Timer - For Fitness and Workouts" a free app (on apple app store) that you can setup to buzz at each interval to cue when to switch to the next minute. It was one of the hardest workouts I've done in a long time. But after I was finished, I felt amazing.
After the interval training, Lindsey and I did the weight lifting portion. This is what I did:
5 body part sections, 2 sets each: Chest/back, biceps/triceps, shoulders, legs, and abdominals. Repeitions and weights depended on the "burn" of each set. I did the set until I felt the muscle burn then did 2 more. The total time probably took 15 minutes of weight lifting.
So total of 45 minutes of a workout and my body was spent. I knew I had worked out. I knew I achieved max burn in the muscles and max heart rate with the cardio interval training with the ultimate goal of maximizing fat burning and metabolism boosting.
Today is Day 1 of 13. Currently my weight is 179.6. I took my measurements as well.
If you are interested in this program here are some links to the different parts of the program:
Lean in 13 Program - http://www.choosethechallenge.com/lean-in-13.html
Advocare Products/Supplements - http://www.24andmuchmore.com
My hope in documenting this process is 1) keep myself accountable and 2) Use my body as an example for others to see there is hope for them to reach their fitness/weight goals and to live a healthier lifestyle. Keep in touch to see my journey and results.
-The Joyful and Tired Dad
Friday, August 2, 2013
A Trip to the Toilet...I mean Water Park.
I took the day off today to surprise the kids with a trip to Zoombeezi Bay before they go back to school in 2 weeks. Zoombeezi Bay is a water park attached to the Columbus Zoo. The night before, the children were up till about 9:30-9:45 which is way past their normal bedtime. Now any normal kid would take the opportunity to then sleep in the next day because they would be missing out on much needed sleep. But our kids hate us and never sleep in. So we compensate by putting them to bed earlier because we know they will up at the same time regardless. So last night, I beg and plead with them, "Please, we have a big day tomorrow. You are going to want to get plenty of sleep. Please oh please sleep till 8 tomorrow." At this point I'm on my knees pleading with them, "You need your sleep. Mommy and Daddy need you to sleep. Everyone of your friends is sleeping in this summer. You will be left out and socially rejected in school if you don't do what your friends do. Please bend to peer pressure in this area. Please sleep in." They woke up at 6:30. I go in to their rooms and they explain, "We thought you meant stay in your room till 8." With large dark bags under their eyes and with 1.5 hours of sleep missing, we start our super fun happy day!
We leave Nate with a babysitter and take the older 2 with us to the zoo. Nate is 3 and sucks. Now please don't get offended by that statement but their are times when he is very hard and their are other times when he is sleeping. We wanted to have a special day with the older 2 without yelling and chasing a whining 3 year old who is always either cold or hungry or both. Dublin movie theater has banned him from returning until he is 10 years old because of our last attempt at a "family movie." He spent more time watching the people in the row behind us than the movie or attempting to escape to the lobby when no one was looking. But he did manage to eat 15000 calories in 1 two hour movie. Anyway, we leave him with the babysitter and wish her the best of luck.
We go to the zoo first cause the water park is not open yet. We go to see the new Dinosaur Island at the zoo only to find out you must pay to ride in the boat. I turn into a 65 year old man complaining about the racketeering operation they have at the zoo charging for every little thing when in the olden days your admission ticket was all you had to pay to ride the rides. But the boat ride was broken, so "good bye parental guilt," I don't have to feel bad about not spending extra money on my children at a ride that should have been included in the admission fee. We stop by the oragatan...orangetan, orangatan, orangutan...large orange monkey. Drew thinks its a horse, which makes us all laugh. We also discover that Drew is the most high strung, jumpiest kid ever, especially around fake dinosaurs. When looking at a fake dinosaur, we had many "Drew watch out!" moments which would send him screaming and jumping out of his shoes. It means years of therapy later, but hilarious at the time. Worth it.
We finally make it into Zoombeezi Bay at 10:30 when it opens. Side note: at the time, our kids have now been up for 4 hours when some of their friends are still sleeping in. Just thought I would throw that in...for pity. The weather is relatively nice at 75 degrees but its still the morning and warming up. We first go to the large tube ride and ride as a family, which Drew did not like but Zachary did. I then convince Z to go with me on the Cyclone ride which he is very fearful because my wife called it the most extreme ride at the park. Some kids see this as a challenge, Zachary sees it as a warning. But with much encouragement get up the stairs, get to the top after waiting in line for 20 minutes, get in the tube, and as we are about to go... he asks to get off and leave. But at this point, I tell the worker "just push us" and we go. He survives and I ask him how he liked it and his response, "It was awesome." "You want to do it again?" "No." Next we do the Dolphin Riders water slide as a family and are enjoying our family time. We have a good morning and break for lunch.
During lunch I make some water park observations. Is there a dress code at a water park? I know the dress code is swim suits but is there a definition of swim suits? I saw 2 women wearing either large black fishnet lingerie or it was a large black doily over top of their swimsuits. I did not see the point because it did not protect them from the sun or cover up their bodies. The only point I could see would it would make their tanned skin look like they were grilled on a charbroil grill. I did not know the Burger King was a "look" this summer. I also saw a teenager who was wearing underwear and athletic shorts. It was not a swim suit but street clothes where he took his shoes and shirt off and jumped in. But the best was this other teenager who I can only imagine was planning on going to the zoo only today but was convinced to go to Zoombeezi bay by her persuasive friends who were planning on going the water park and met her at the entrance. This was their imaginary conversation, "Hey girl!"
"Heeeeeeeyyy! What are you doin here?"
"We're goin to the Bay. You?
"I'm here for the dinosaurs."
"Why dont you come to the Bay with us?"
"Cause I just came for the dinos, I didn't bring a suit."
"Girl, that never stopped you before. Remember J.R.'s party?"
"You're right. I don't need a suit. Lets go!"
So she was walked into Zoombeezi Bay, took her shirt off and went to her first water slide. She was literally wearing bedazzled jeans and a bra, soaking wet. No joke. It was hilarious.
After lunch, we noticed it started getting colder and colder and colder. The dark rain clouds moved in and blocked the sun. So what do you do when it gets cold and rainy? That's right...the wave pool! Yea!! We take the boys to the wave pool and it is now freezing. It went from 77 degrees to 70 degrees in 20 minutes. And have you ever gotten into a cold pool when its cold outside. That's the worst feeling, stepping out of the pool into the cold air. Well imagine that feeling over and over and over again cause that is what a wave pool does to you. You're in the water, then out of the water, then in, then out. The water was warm but the air was freezing. I was like, "ahhhhh warmth, EEEEEE cold, ahhhhh warm, EEEEEEE freezing" over and over again. Drew's lips turned blue but he refused to leave. It was so cold, even peeing in the water did not warm me up. Not me peeing, but Lindsey. There was a large time and temperature display at the wave pool and I told "natural water warmer" if the temperature drops to 69 degrees we are leaving. She agreed and I watched that temp display like a hawk as arctic wave after wave beat against my goose-bumped body. With every tick, I expected that 69 to show up to end my misery. And just when I had had enough it changed...to 71. Just when I thought God was messing with me, He came through. The lifeguards blew their whistles and everyone had to leave the wave pool. I never got a clear explanation to why but I could only come up with 2 reasons since there was no lightning: 1) too many people had died of hypothermia or 2) some kid dropped a Baby Ruth in the deep end. I hoped it was the latter because that is hilarious. I am just sorry I didn't think of it earlier. It would have been really easy to drop a deuce, swim away, and blame the nearest 3 year old. I knew we should have brought Nate. It does kind of make you feel weird when you swim with a turd. You know people pee in the pool and you don't think about it cause its invisible, victimless, and hard to pin on the perpetrator. But with a dookey, you can't ignore that and you legitimately feel like you are swimming in a huge toilet..with waves. When someone poops in the pool, pardon my french, but literally, "sh!* just got real."
And with that wonderful experience, we leave. It was a good time but because everyone laying on the lounge chairs looked like they were getting ready for a fall bonfire dressed in sweatshirts and drinking hot chocolate. Not a good pool day. But the kids had a great time and Zachary was asking to come back tomorrow. But tomorrow we have a fun day planned at the Ohio State Fair....blog to follow.
May all your summer days be filled with fishnet over shirts, bedazzled jeans, and highly chlorinated pools,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
We leave Nate with a babysitter and take the older 2 with us to the zoo. Nate is 3 and sucks. Now please don't get offended by that statement but their are times when he is very hard and their are other times when he is sleeping. We wanted to have a special day with the older 2 without yelling and chasing a whining 3 year old who is always either cold or hungry or both. Dublin movie theater has banned him from returning until he is 10 years old because of our last attempt at a "family movie." He spent more time watching the people in the row behind us than the movie or attempting to escape to the lobby when no one was looking. But he did manage to eat 15000 calories in 1 two hour movie. Anyway, we leave him with the babysitter and wish her the best of luck.
We go to the zoo first cause the water park is not open yet. We go to see the new Dinosaur Island at the zoo only to find out you must pay to ride in the boat. I turn into a 65 year old man complaining about the racketeering operation they have at the zoo charging for every little thing when in the olden days your admission ticket was all you had to pay to ride the rides. But the boat ride was broken, so "good bye parental guilt," I don't have to feel bad about not spending extra money on my children at a ride that should have been included in the admission fee. We stop by the oragatan...orangetan, orangatan, orangutan...large orange monkey. Drew thinks its a horse, which makes us all laugh. We also discover that Drew is the most high strung, jumpiest kid ever, especially around fake dinosaurs. When looking at a fake dinosaur, we had many "Drew watch out!" moments which would send him screaming and jumping out of his shoes. It means years of therapy later, but hilarious at the time. Worth it.
We finally make it into Zoombeezi Bay at 10:30 when it opens. Side note: at the time, our kids have now been up for 4 hours when some of their friends are still sleeping in. Just thought I would throw that in...for pity. The weather is relatively nice at 75 degrees but its still the morning and warming up. We first go to the large tube ride and ride as a family, which Drew did not like but Zachary did. I then convince Z to go with me on the Cyclone ride which he is very fearful because my wife called it the most extreme ride at the park. Some kids see this as a challenge, Zachary sees it as a warning. But with much encouragement get up the stairs, get to the top after waiting in line for 20 minutes, get in the tube, and as we are about to go... he asks to get off and leave. But at this point, I tell the worker "just push us" and we go. He survives and I ask him how he liked it and his response, "It was awesome." "You want to do it again?" "No." Next we do the Dolphin Riders water slide as a family and are enjoying our family time. We have a good morning and break for lunch.
During lunch I make some water park observations. Is there a dress code at a water park? I know the dress code is swim suits but is there a definition of swim suits? I saw 2 women wearing either large black fishnet lingerie or it was a large black doily over top of their swimsuits. I did not see the point because it did not protect them from the sun or cover up their bodies. The only point I could see would it would make their tanned skin look like they were grilled on a charbroil grill. I did not know the Burger King was a "look" this summer. I also saw a teenager who was wearing underwear and athletic shorts. It was not a swim suit but street clothes where he took his shoes and shirt off and jumped in. But the best was this other teenager who I can only imagine was planning on going to the zoo only today but was convinced to go to Zoombeezi bay by her persuasive friends who were planning on going the water park and met her at the entrance. This was their imaginary conversation, "Hey girl!"
"Heeeeeeeyyy! What are you doin here?"
"We're goin to the Bay. You?
"I'm here for the dinosaurs."
"Why dont you come to the Bay with us?"
"Cause I just came for the dinos, I didn't bring a suit."
"Girl, that never stopped you before. Remember J.R.'s party?"
"You're right. I don't need a suit. Lets go!"
So she was walked into Zoombeezi Bay, took her shirt off and went to her first water slide. She was literally wearing bedazzled jeans and a bra, soaking wet. No joke. It was hilarious.
After lunch, we noticed it started getting colder and colder and colder. The dark rain clouds moved in and blocked the sun. So what do you do when it gets cold and rainy? That's right...the wave pool! Yea!! We take the boys to the wave pool and it is now freezing. It went from 77 degrees to 70 degrees in 20 minutes. And have you ever gotten into a cold pool when its cold outside. That's the worst feeling, stepping out of the pool into the cold air. Well imagine that feeling over and over and over again cause that is what a wave pool does to you. You're in the water, then out of the water, then in, then out. The water was warm but the air was freezing. I was like, "ahhhhh warmth, EEEEEE cold, ahhhhh warm, EEEEEEE freezing" over and over again. Drew's lips turned blue but he refused to leave. It was so cold, even peeing in the water did not warm me up. Not me peeing, but Lindsey. There was a large time and temperature display at the wave pool and I told "natural water warmer" if the temperature drops to 69 degrees we are leaving. She agreed and I watched that temp display like a hawk as arctic wave after wave beat against my goose-bumped body. With every tick, I expected that 69 to show up to end my misery. And just when I had had enough it changed...to 71. Just when I thought God was messing with me, He came through. The lifeguards blew their whistles and everyone had to leave the wave pool. I never got a clear explanation to why but I could only come up with 2 reasons since there was no lightning: 1) too many people had died of hypothermia or 2) some kid dropped a Baby Ruth in the deep end. I hoped it was the latter because that is hilarious. I am just sorry I didn't think of it earlier. It would have been really easy to drop a deuce, swim away, and blame the nearest 3 year old. I knew we should have brought Nate. It does kind of make you feel weird when you swim with a turd. You know people pee in the pool and you don't think about it cause its invisible, victimless, and hard to pin on the perpetrator. But with a dookey, you can't ignore that and you legitimately feel like you are swimming in a huge toilet..with waves. When someone poops in the pool, pardon my french, but literally, "sh!* just got real."
And with that wonderful experience, we leave. It was a good time but because everyone laying on the lounge chairs looked like they were getting ready for a fall bonfire dressed in sweatshirts and drinking hot chocolate. Not a good pool day. But the kids had a great time and Zachary was asking to come back tomorrow. But tomorrow we have a fun day planned at the Ohio State Fair....blog to follow.
May all your summer days be filled with fishnet over shirts, bedazzled jeans, and highly chlorinated pools,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Kids and Swimming
We are halfway through the summer and like most families, we have lived at the pool this summer. I made some observations today at the pool that I would like to share with you.
I came home from work today and my wife gave me the "I'm done with children today" look. You know the one. The look that means you'd better do something about it because I am about to transfer my wrath from them to you, so for your sake, you'd better save yourself and fix it. So in the name of self preservation, I gallantly stated I would take the children out of the house and take them to the pool leaving her with a couple hours alone. I know, I'm a hero. So I took the kids and we went to the store first to pick up some chips and grapes for dinner at the pool. Chips so they will eat something and grapes so I don't feel guilty about only giving them chips for dinner. On our way out, I'm checking out and Nate announces that he has to pee. So I take them all in the bathroom and Nate refuses to use one of the toilets cause there is already pee in it. He uses the other and takes all his clothes off. I then realize he has decided to poop instead because he is climbing all over the public toilet like a set of monkey bars, naked. He then proceeds to change his mind again, and only pees. On the way out, he is very adamant about washing his hands and being clean which is understandable. What I don't understand is after he washes his hands he then proceeds to touch everything he sees on the way out to our car including every vending machine, ice machine, grocery cart, and dirty car in the parking lot. I believe a child is only clean 30 seconds after a bath or washing his hands because inevitably they will touch something they are not supposed to that is most likely covered in bacteria or feces. Purell has made a fortune on this fact.
Well we go to the YMCA indoor pool and the kids grab their goggles and jump in, while I carry in the stuff like a pack mule with 2 bags, towels, puddle jumper, and clothes they have stripped off on the way to the water. The older 2 go off on their own and I stay with Nate the 3 year old. My plan is to stay here as long as we can to give mommy enough time to cool down, so when I return, she is not mad at me. And its a time killer till bed time. I thought we would swim for an hour, then eat some dinner, then swim for another couple hours till bedtime. So Nate and I are swimming around, and 15 minutes later Nate announces, "I'm hungry. I want dinner." So much for 1 hour of swimming. So when I tell him to wait, the whining begins. Luckily we were close to rest time and everyone had to get out. So we ate dinner at that time which took up the 10 minute rest time. We get back in and swim around more when I see Nate get out on the side of the pool and pull out his penis. I run up to him and stop him from peeing on the side of the pool in front of a family. I tell him you need to pee in the pool like mommy but he apparently can only pee in the pool or on the side of the pool. So I take him to pee in the bathroom and while peeing in the toilet he turns around to tell me something about the shower that is behind him, peeing on everything but the toilet. But he was in his bathing suit so it was OK. And it wasn't our bathroom. So we go back to pool and on our way back, I see Drew standing under the water spout with his pants pulled down, letting the spout hit his bare butt. I stop him and tell him to pull his pants up while a mom who saw the whole thing is dying laughing. But the best part is as I am having a "keep your pants up in public" talk...again, I turn around to see Nate with his pants around his knees doing the exact same thing Drew was doing. This is now the second time Nate has dropped trough. He might as well just go skinny dipping at this point. It seems like at a pool, "the monkey see monkey do" way of thinking is a must. I am just glad the 8 year old did not see this happen cause you know he would be the third person in line to try the water spout enema trick. But after I give the younger 2 a good talking to, I see Zachary, the 8 year old, frog jumping the floor fountains and delaying a little too long which looks like he was giving himself a nice bidet washing. I have no idea why my kids are the ones that enjoy washing their butts at the public pool. But what made me laugh was the 6 year old girl who was right behind Zachary trying out the bidet fountains. Another example of "Monkey see, monkey wash his butt in public."
After this we had no more incidents with dropping trough or washing their nether regions, and we had fun. Nate only made 4 trips to the bathroom. The other funny thing that happened was Nate wanted to wash his goggles, so he got out of the pool, opened a bottle of water and poured that water into them. When I told him to just use the pool water, he got back into the pool and proceeded to drink pool water out of his goggles.
So next time you are at a pool and you see boys drop their suits or stay a little too long over the fountains, please give the Dad a break. At least he got them out of the house and avoided Mom's wrath.
I wonder how tight I can tie those swim suit draw strings,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
I came home from work today and my wife gave me the "I'm done with children today" look. You know the one. The look that means you'd better do something about it because I am about to transfer my wrath from them to you, so for your sake, you'd better save yourself and fix it. So in the name of self preservation, I gallantly stated I would take the children out of the house and take them to the pool leaving her with a couple hours alone. I know, I'm a hero. So I took the kids and we went to the store first to pick up some chips and grapes for dinner at the pool. Chips so they will eat something and grapes so I don't feel guilty about only giving them chips for dinner. On our way out, I'm checking out and Nate announces that he has to pee. So I take them all in the bathroom and Nate refuses to use one of the toilets cause there is already pee in it. He uses the other and takes all his clothes off. I then realize he has decided to poop instead because he is climbing all over the public toilet like a set of monkey bars, naked. He then proceeds to change his mind again, and only pees. On the way out, he is very adamant about washing his hands and being clean which is understandable. What I don't understand is after he washes his hands he then proceeds to touch everything he sees on the way out to our car including every vending machine, ice machine, grocery cart, and dirty car in the parking lot. I believe a child is only clean 30 seconds after a bath or washing his hands because inevitably they will touch something they are not supposed to that is most likely covered in bacteria or feces. Purell has made a fortune on this fact.
Well we go to the YMCA indoor pool and the kids grab their goggles and jump in, while I carry in the stuff like a pack mule with 2 bags, towels, puddle jumper, and clothes they have stripped off on the way to the water. The older 2 go off on their own and I stay with Nate the 3 year old. My plan is to stay here as long as we can to give mommy enough time to cool down, so when I return, she is not mad at me. And its a time killer till bed time. I thought we would swim for an hour, then eat some dinner, then swim for another couple hours till bedtime. So Nate and I are swimming around, and 15 minutes later Nate announces, "I'm hungry. I want dinner." So much for 1 hour of swimming. So when I tell him to wait, the whining begins. Luckily we were close to rest time and everyone had to get out. So we ate dinner at that time which took up the 10 minute rest time. We get back in and swim around more when I see Nate get out on the side of the pool and pull out his penis. I run up to him and stop him from peeing on the side of the pool in front of a family. I tell him you need to pee in the pool like mommy but he apparently can only pee in the pool or on the side of the pool. So I take him to pee in the bathroom and while peeing in the toilet he turns around to tell me something about the shower that is behind him, peeing on everything but the toilet. But he was in his bathing suit so it was OK. And it wasn't our bathroom. So we go back to pool and on our way back, I see Drew standing under the water spout with his pants pulled down, letting the spout hit his bare butt. I stop him and tell him to pull his pants up while a mom who saw the whole thing is dying laughing. But the best part is as I am having a "keep your pants up in public" talk...again, I turn around to see Nate with his pants around his knees doing the exact same thing Drew was doing. This is now the second time Nate has dropped trough. He might as well just go skinny dipping at this point. It seems like at a pool, "the monkey see monkey do" way of thinking is a must. I am just glad the 8 year old did not see this happen cause you know he would be the third person in line to try the water spout enema trick. But after I give the younger 2 a good talking to, I see Zachary, the 8 year old, frog jumping the floor fountains and delaying a little too long which looks like he was giving himself a nice bidet washing. I have no idea why my kids are the ones that enjoy washing their butts at the public pool. But what made me laugh was the 6 year old girl who was right behind Zachary trying out the bidet fountains. Another example of "Monkey see, monkey wash his butt in public."
After this we had no more incidents with dropping trough or washing their nether regions, and we had fun. Nate only made 4 trips to the bathroom. The other funny thing that happened was Nate wanted to wash his goggles, so he got out of the pool, opened a bottle of water and poured that water into them. When I told him to just use the pool water, he got back into the pool and proceeded to drink pool water out of his goggles.
So next time you are at a pool and you see boys drop their suits or stay a little too long over the fountains, please give the Dad a break. At least he got them out of the house and avoided Mom's wrath.
I wonder how tight I can tie those swim suit draw strings,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Things I've said this week.
Thinking back over this week, I realize I say some of the craziest, weirdest things I never thought I would say in my life. But once you add 3 kids, let alone boys into your life, you find yourself capable of saying just about anything. We have all heard of the TV show, "Kids say the Darndest Things." Well they should release a reality show following the typical day of a parent and name it: "Parents say the Darndest Things." But I also realized this show would be the parents saying the same thing, multiple times to each child multiple times. So here are some things I've said just this week alone.
-"Zachary and Drew, please don't pee outside. Go inside to use the bathroom."
-"Nate. I told your brothers to go inside to pee. Please pull your pants up and pee inside. And next time, dont pee in front of the neighbor girls."
-"Nate. Don't lick the baseball."
-"Drew. Don't lick it. I just told Nate not to. Why would you do it too?"
-"Zachary. You are almost 8. You know better not to lick the baseball especially after I told each of your brothers not to do it. Why do you think it would be funny the third time around?"
-"Drew, please put the puppy down." (this has been said 1265 times in this week alone.)
-"Why would you pick her up, Nate, when I just told Drew to put her down?" (while I was saying this, Drew picks the puppy up again.)
-"Please eat your dinner. You can't be done, you haven't eaten anything yet. Oh, your belly is full. No you can not have dessert now, you just said your belly is full. How come there is room for dessert but no room for your entire dinner?"
-"No Drew, I didn't realize I was the worst baseball player you've ever seen. Thanks for your words of encouragement."
-"Zachary, please do your homework. Zachary, did you do your homework? Ok, stop watching TV and go do it. Zachary, focus, do your homework please. Zachary, did you finish it? Oh, haven't started? Please do it now. Zachary, over here. Woohoo, over here. Do your homework. Did you do all of it? OK go finish it then. Oh, forget it."
-"Drew please stop whining. I don't speak Whining, so I don't understand you. You have not said one word to me today in English. It has only been in Whining - the native language of the 5 year old."
-"Nate I am not going to sleep next to you tonight. I need to go wash my eyes."
-"Drew, How much candy have you had tonight? From that whiny 'NO!' I will take that as a lot."
And my personal favorite:
-"Nate that is not a tootsie roll, that is the puppy's poop. Thanks for bringing it to me, now go wash your hands."
Please forward this to any NBC executives you know, I have a show to pitch,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
-"Zachary and Drew, please don't pee outside. Go inside to use the bathroom."
-"Nate. I told your brothers to go inside to pee. Please pull your pants up and pee inside. And next time, dont pee in front of the neighbor girls."
-"Nate. Don't lick the baseball."
-"Drew. Don't lick it. I just told Nate not to. Why would you do it too?"
-"Zachary. You are almost 8. You know better not to lick the baseball especially after I told each of your brothers not to do it. Why do you think it would be funny the third time around?"
-"Drew, please put the puppy down." (this has been said 1265 times in this week alone.)
-"Why would you pick her up, Nate, when I just told Drew to put her down?" (while I was saying this, Drew picks the puppy up again.)
-"Please eat your dinner. You can't be done, you haven't eaten anything yet. Oh, your belly is full. No you can not have dessert now, you just said your belly is full. How come there is room for dessert but no room for your entire dinner?"
-"No Drew, I didn't realize I was the worst baseball player you've ever seen. Thanks for your words of encouragement."
-"Zachary, please do your homework. Zachary, did you do your homework? Ok, stop watching TV and go do it. Zachary, focus, do your homework please. Zachary, did you finish it? Oh, haven't started? Please do it now. Zachary, over here. Woohoo, over here. Do your homework. Did you do all of it? OK go finish it then. Oh, forget it."
-"Drew please stop whining. I don't speak Whining, so I don't understand you. You have not said one word to me today in English. It has only been in Whining - the native language of the 5 year old."
-"Nate I am not going to sleep next to you tonight. I need to go wash my eyes."
-"Drew, How much candy have you had tonight? From that whiny 'NO!' I will take that as a lot."
And my personal favorite:
-"Nate that is not a tootsie roll, that is the puppy's poop. Thanks for bringing it to me, now go wash your hands."
Please forward this to any NBC executives you know, I have a show to pitch,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
Friday, February 8, 2013
Merry Christms, Happy New Year, and Happy Valentine's Day Too
Dear Friends and Family,
As we come to a close of another year, so comes the inevitable Christmas letter. So here is my attempt to catch you up on the Allen family in 2012 and not bore you at the same time.
Zachary (age 7) is now a first grader and riding the bus every day. He has more freedom and independence than he has had before, much to our dismay. We constantly remind him he is in first grade not twelfth. He is now getting more involved in extra-curricular activities… and so it begins. He now does cub scouts, Kids wow (a church program), and basketball and last quarter it was flag football. To save on gas, I’ve asked the coaches if he could stay at home and join practices by Skype. So far, no takers.
Drew (age 4) is now in Pre-Kindergarten which is the last year of preschool. He spends most of his time at school with his best friend Ashley and if he had it his way, most of his time out of school too. They are very cute together but worrisome when they began holding hands and talking about marriage (but with no kissing because Ashley said that’s too slobbery.) When I begin to worry about him growing up too fast, he always puts my heart at ease by punching his own butt and trying to work the word “poop” into every song he hears.
Nate (age 3) began preschool this year. As he would say, “I whide da buth to cool cause I watt da key key o ba doo bu teetah taco me.” And as you can tell, he qualified for speech therapy at preschool. He rides the bus to and from school, but is barely able to look out the window because he is a little peanut and his backpack is as big as him. His favorite past time is annoying his brothers and getting away with it because he is too cute and knows it.
Mark continues to work in Westerville as a rehab manager and is the primary bread winner. Lindsey has started babysitting 2 little kids twice a week and contributes to our family finances as primary bagel winner. We continue to grow closer in our marriage and continue to learn how to raise 3 boys with each passing year; loving every minute or yearning for the sweet release of death, depending on the day.
We wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New year. (and Happy Valentine's day)
Be blessed,
The Allen's
Friday, August 24, 2012
When it Rains, It Pours
What a ridiculous 24 hours we have had. It all started on as a typical Sunday; church in the morning, nap for the kids in the afternoon for the 2 younger boys and my wife took Zachary to find a Pokemon shirt for his first day of school. Note to parents everywhere: No one sells Pokemon shirts anywhere. Because my wife looked and the closest she could find was adult size Pokemon shirts at Hot Topic. So if you are a 40 year old man living in your parents basement and watch Anime all day and play dungeons and dragons all night, Hot Topic has a shirt for you. Anyway, she was driving home and while driving straight on this road to our house, an SUV stopped at a stop sign pulled out in front of her and hit my Civic she was driving. It was a corner to corner hit but SUV vs Civic, it was more, the SUV "monster-trucked" on top of my Civic slightly bending the SUV's front bumper and totally demolishing the Civic's hood, headlight, front panel and everything on the inside by the engine. Lindsey had some neck and back pain and Zachary had neck burns from the seat belt and a head ache with some back pain as well. The paramedics checked him on scene and released him there. The other driver was not hurt. The Sheriff cited the other driver for failure to yield at a stop sign. So I had my civic towed to a body shop because it was deemed "un-drivable" on scene but the SUV was allowed to drive away and received an invitation to the next Thunder Nationals Monster Truck Rally, "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY, COME MEET THE PINK POWER RANGER! IF YOU'RE NOT THERE YOU'D BETTER BE DEAD AND IF YOU"RE IN JAIL....BREAK OUT!!!"
Anyway, the next day we find out from the adjuster that the insurance company is going to total my car. Now this car was paid off and supposed to last another 5 years being a Honda. So "Hello, car payment!"
That evening after dealing with the insurance company all day, I was in the basement playing with the 2 older boys and Lindsey was upstairs. I did not see the 2 year old for 5 minutes, but when I did, he walked down stairs holding his neck saying his neck hurt. I picked him up and comforted him not thinking too much of it since he walked down the basement steps on his own. But when Lindsey came down he kept complaining of his neck pain and would not stand on his own. When I tried to put him down he really started whimpering and wouldn't put weight on his legs and kept shrugging his shoulders and holding his neck guarding it. So we called the Pediatrician and took him right away for an evaluation. When we got there, he would not pick his head off my chest and wouldn't let the pediatrician touch his neck. Nate then told me at the office that he had fallen down the stairs but Lindsey nor I had seen it happen. So after consulting with another doctor they thought the best course of action was to squad him down to Children's for an X-ray. Squad because they wanted to stabilize his neck for the ride down. Well, back boarding a 2 year old was one of the worst parenting experiences ever. He was screaming, we were crying and trying to console him. But in the midst of the torture, my wife tries to lighten the mood and says "He looks just like Baby Jessica." I laughed later. We got him down to Childrens and the ER staff was wonderful. They took X-rays and thankfully no fractures. He was still in the child neck collar the whole time but at least he was out of the neck brace. When all was calm and we knew we were out of immediate danger, we were able to relax and he was loving the one on one time with both his parents and the hospital TV. The ER doctor told us to keep the neck brace on and consult neurosurgery for a follow-up because after neck trauma he is still at risk for the weak ligaments around the spine to re-injury the neck. So he is to keep the brace on 24/7 even bath and bedtime.
After we were out of the "high risk" woods, my wife and I started talking about these past 24 hours and how expensive 1 day can get. The best thing is that despite all these things, everyone was OK. But I was telling Lindsey, that Childrens is so good to us because our name is on this wing of the hospital because of all the money we have had to pay to them over the past 7 years. I mean we just finished paying Drew off from his birth. He is officially ours now and wont get repo'ed. Although some days I think about re-financing him. And we were at Childrens 8 months ago, when this same neck brace boy had broken his leg at Christmas. So Childrens was very good to us because we pay their salary. That new building at Columbus Children's Hospital...You're welcome. So while we were getting ready to leave, the registration girl comes in a tells us we have a $100 ER visit co-pay. I tell her to add it to our running tab w have Childrens. She told us she could bill us later. Why pay today what you can pay tomorrow, its the American way. So while we are driving home I start thinking of the ER co-pay and the x-ray and ER room charges, I think of the totaling of my car and the new car payment, and the insurance deductible and I start laughing. Well Lindsey looks over at me and her first thought is "He's lost it. It was too much for him and he has finally cracked." She asks me why I am laughing and I tell her, "We are out of gas." To which we both start laughing because what else can you do. We now have one car and one 2 year old in a neck brace for the next 2 weeks. When a friend was asking me about how Nate was injured in the car accident, I had to tell him, "No, those were 2 separate events but the same 24 hours." At least our boys have been wonderful with little Natey and his new "neck shield." There are no superheroes with neck braces he could relate to so we call it his "neck shield" like Captain America...if he broke his neck.
When it rains, It pours. I only wish it would pour money,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
That evening after dealing with the insurance company all day, I was in the basement playing with the 2 older boys and Lindsey was upstairs. I did not see the 2 year old for 5 minutes, but when I did, he walked down stairs holding his neck saying his neck hurt. I picked him up and comforted him not thinking too much of it since he walked down the basement steps on his own. But when Lindsey came down he kept complaining of his neck pain and would not stand on his own. When I tried to put him down he really started whimpering and wouldn't put weight on his legs and kept shrugging his shoulders and holding his neck guarding it. So we called the Pediatrician and took him right away for an evaluation. When we got there, he would not pick his head off my chest and wouldn't let the pediatrician touch his neck. Nate then told me at the office that he had fallen down the stairs but Lindsey nor I had seen it happen. So after consulting with another doctor they thought the best course of action was to squad him down to Children's for an X-ray. Squad because they wanted to stabilize his neck for the ride down. Well, back boarding a 2 year old was one of the worst parenting experiences ever. He was screaming, we were crying and trying to console him. But in the midst of the torture, my wife tries to lighten the mood and says "He looks just like Baby Jessica." I laughed later. We got him down to Childrens and the ER staff was wonderful. They took X-rays and thankfully no fractures. He was still in the child neck collar the whole time but at least he was out of the neck brace. When all was calm and we knew we were out of immediate danger, we were able to relax and he was loving the one on one time with both his parents and the hospital TV. The ER doctor told us to keep the neck brace on and consult neurosurgery for a follow-up because after neck trauma he is still at risk for the weak ligaments around the spine to re-injury the neck. So he is to keep the brace on 24/7 even bath and bedtime.
After we were out of the "high risk" woods, my wife and I started talking about these past 24 hours and how expensive 1 day can get. The best thing is that despite all these things, everyone was OK. But I was telling Lindsey, that Childrens is so good to us because our name is on this wing of the hospital because of all the money we have had to pay to them over the past 7 years. I mean we just finished paying Drew off from his birth. He is officially ours now and wont get repo'ed. Although some days I think about re-financing him. And we were at Childrens 8 months ago, when this same neck brace boy had broken his leg at Christmas. So Childrens was very good to us because we pay their salary. That new building at Columbus Children's Hospital...You're welcome. So while we were getting ready to leave, the registration girl comes in a tells us we have a $100 ER visit co-pay. I tell her to add it to our running tab w have Childrens. She told us she could bill us later. Why pay today what you can pay tomorrow, its the American way. So while we are driving home I start thinking of the ER co-pay and the x-ray and ER room charges, I think of the totaling of my car and the new car payment, and the insurance deductible and I start laughing. Well Lindsey looks over at me and her first thought is "He's lost it. It was too much for him and he has finally cracked." She asks me why I am laughing and I tell her, "We are out of gas." To which we both start laughing because what else can you do. We now have one car and one 2 year old in a neck brace for the next 2 weeks. When a friend was asking me about how Nate was injured in the car accident, I had to tell him, "No, those were 2 separate events but the same 24 hours." At least our boys have been wonderful with little Natey and his new "neck shield." There are no superheroes with neck braces he could relate to so we call it his "neck shield" like Captain America...if he broke his neck.
When it rains, It pours. I only wish it would pour money,
The Joyful and Tired Dad
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