Monday, December 12, 2016

A Very Direct Marketing Christmas

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "where is the one who has been born King of the Jews?" We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him and sell him various direct marketing products."  On coming to the house, they saw the Virgin mother Mary and her child, wrapped in a Norex rag that never needed washing.  It would go on to wash 11 of the 12 disciple's feet because Judas was not a believer in Norex.  But Peter later requested Jesus to take that same Norex rag and wash his entire body without soap, again without ever needing to run it through the clothes washer.

Then the Magi opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and doTerra frankincense and myrrh.  The myrrh would serve the new King by promoting awareness and lifting his mood, reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and enhance the cleansing benefits of toothpaste.  As the new Lord and Savior of mankind began his ministry to save the souls of all men, the frankincense would benefit him by rubbing it on his hands before a full day of gardening for a smoothing effect and applied to the bottom of his feet would promote feelings of relaxation and balance his mood.  And the gold, of course, would be used as a buy-in to the company that would earn him 40% off all products and 20% for all people in his down line.

The Magi approached Joseph to join their team because he would be buying the products anyway so why not get the discount.

The Magi then said to Joseph, "Are you tired of having too much month at the end of your money?  What would you say if carpentry was your hobby instead of your career?  You could have people paying you to buy products they already use.  Most of your friends have joined and are earning 90% of their income with 10 hours of work per week.  We already have the shepherds on board.  They just joined our down line because they saw the benefits and were tired of their dead end jobs.  They already combined their shepherding with a lucrative Rodan + Fields business by using wool to apply skin care products.  Your wife, Mary, is 1 sale away from earning her own Mary Kay Pink Cadillac donkey cart. And Joseph, if you play your cards right, you could have your own son join your down line.  Who knows, one day he may reach 5000 people with 5 loaves of Pampered Chef beer bread and 2 bottles of Advocare fish oil.  And you would receive 20% of his sales! And no offense but this manger could use some infused Scensy coconut lemongrass that would freshen the cattle stalls right up."

When the mixer was over and the they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up," he said, "take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt.  Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to sell him BeachBody."  So He got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until Herod lost interest and his phone number.

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Advisor,
The Joyful and Tried Dad

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