Friday, September 13, 2013

Friday the 13th!!!!!!

I am not superstitious.  I did not even realize it was Friday the 13th until 9:30 this morning.  But after I heard the date, my morning all made sense.

I awoke this morning at 5:50 am with the puppy, Lily, crawling all over my face.  She could not stop pacing in our bed.  I didn't think anything of it cause she will do that throughout the night then lay back down and go to sleep.  But on the 233rd lap around the bed, I realized she was shivering.  So thinking she was cold, I grabbed her and tried to cuddle with her to keep her warm.  That lasted 2 seconds because I wanted to cuddle and she hates to cuddle on my terms.  She went back to shivered pacing around the bed.  Thinking she has to pee, I got up, took her downstairs, took her outside in the cold and let her out.  Now I was shivering.  She peed just a little but being 6:00 in the morning I didn't think anything of it.  Not until I returned to my bed.  I climbed in to my nice warm, inviting bed and realized my feet felt wet.  I did not step in anything on my way up stairs?  I then felt the bottom of my bed and discovered why she did not pee very long outside!  Her pee had soaked all my covers, sheets, and mattress...on my side of the bed!  So I did what any normal drowsy person would do...I tucked my feet into the fetal position, tried to ignore it and go back to sleep.  But now my hand smelled like pee from checking it and my feet were still wet and smelled of pee.  So did I do the responsible thing and get up, wake my sleeping bride next to me to start the cleaning process and laundry?  No, I grabbed my pillow and went to the other bedroom.  She was going to find out if I told her or if she rolled in it.  At 6 in the morning I didn't care how she found out.   

Well I was able to drift gently back to sleep preparing for a nice long slumber in a warm, dry bed. Then 5 minutes later Nate woke up.  When Nate wakes up he knocks on his door until everyone else in the house is up.  And sure enough in 2 minutes everyone was awake including my wife asking me why I was in the other bed.  To which I replied, "we are getting rid of the puppy.  I'm done." 

I spend the next half hour stripping the bed, piling pee-soaked sheets and blankets in laundry, pouring vinegar and water on the mattress, soaking up the mattress, and then taking a shower to get the pee and vinegar smell off of myself.  I can't believe how much pee there was.  The puppy is only 4 pounds but probably released 2 gallons of pee on my side of the bed.  I did not realize she went binge drinking last night and never relieved herself before bed.

While I am cleaning the bed, all 3 kids came upstairs because they were all yelling at each other and were sent to their rooms.  But since 2 of them share a room, another fight broke out about who gets to go to the shared room.  I wonder if parents of girls get "quiet time" in the morning as everyone is waking up and sweet to each other.  As a parent of all boys, I hear my first whine within 2 minutes and the first wrestle match/fight within 6 minutes of eyes opening.  There is no such thing as "quiet time." 

After 3 heart to heart talks about not fighting and whining in the morning because you are slowly killing mommy and daddy, Zachary almost misses his bus.  We both run outside and the bus stops in front of our house to make a special stop for him.  He gets on, crisis averted.  I come back inside to find my 2 younger boys taking our special talk (that we had 5 minutes ago) to heart by fighting with each other and making Nate cry.  I grab Drew and throw him on the couch to stop the fighting and walk away only to hear Drew say, "Eww. What is that?"  I look and in front of the couch where I was just standing was what looked like 3 poop stains smeared into the carpet.  I look at my shoes and sure enough there was poop.  Oh yea, I not only get to clean pee out of a mattress but poop out of carpet too!  But after sniffing my shoe, I discover it is only mud!  This is the highlight of my day!  I celebrate!  When I ran out to catch the bus with Zachary I had stepped in mud, not poop.  It was an easy clean-up, considering.  My wife can only laugh at my morning at this point.  To console me, she offers a new recipe of oatmeal, flax seed muffins that contain no sugar or taste.  So much for a delicious breakfast.  To complete my morning, I asked her if there were any toilets that need unclogged because at this point, why not?  The morning did not get much better after I left because once I got to work while changing a patient, I stuck my bare hand in a pee-soaked diaper, accidentally.  This was all before 9:30 in the morning.

So when I heard it was Friday the 13th, it all kind of made sense.

Becoming more superstitious,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

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