Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Whale Wars? Was the title "Nerd Wars" taken?

Have you seen this brilliant piece of television gold? It is on Animal Planet friday nights at 9 in case you missed it. But again like all other goldmines, Animal Planet plays it every other hour until the new one comes out on Friday. If you havent seen it, here is the premise. The show follows a bunch people who got together, bought a huge boat, and went to the Antarctic ocean where Japanese Whaling Vessels patrol the waters looking for whales to poach. It has potential right? Sounds like good versus evil. And the title "Whale Wars" makes you believe there may by violence and fighting and "war" on the high seas. Well you would be sadly mistaken, as was I.
I missed season 1 but I tuned in season 2. This is what happened. Basically this white haired guy went to college campuses and recruited students from hippie animal rights groups on campus with no majors and asked if they wanted to delay getting a real job for a summer and go to Anarctica to live out their bumper stickers and "save the whales." And since most of them were returning to their parents basement after graduation anyway, this seemed like a good gig. So you can imagine the yound adults signing up for this "mission" are not, shall we say, hard-core extremists. But again, on a show called Whale Wars, I would have expected it. The kind that our using grappling hooks to climb aboard Japanese whaling vessels in the middle of the night with knives in their teeth and taken care of business Steven Segal-style. But it is a reality TV show and not something scripted like "the Hills." (You know Heidi is only with Spencer cause she gets paid to be with a Tool Bag. I refuse to believe Spencer Pratt is a real person. But thats a different blog.)
Anyway, in season 2 they come together on the main ship called the Steve Irwin and travel around the ocean trying to find Japanese whaling vessels that are attempting to hunt and poach whales. On the Steve Irwin, they have a short range helicopter and a tiny speed boat to scout out the Japanese ships. The funny thing is when they catch up to these ships you can clearly see they are harpooning whales and bringing them on board to slaughter them for meat and by-products but the Japanese hold up giant signs saying, in english, that its for research and they are collecting samples. Well, if you are innocent why do you have giant guilt signs in english stating your business. And why do you need to slaughter whale after whale for "samples."
The war is on! But not really. What are the weapons of warfare in this epic battle on the high seas? Stink bombs. no really, stink bombs. Buturic acid to be exact. They throw it onto the Japanese whaling ships because it stinks up their decks and ruins the whale meat. And how do the Japanese fight back? Water cannons. Yep, high powered super soakers. Funny thing is, just like in the 70s, it still works against the hippies. There must be a phobia of water and hygiene to all hippies. And also, these "whale warriors" are nerds so to throw a bottle of buturic acid onto the bough of giant boat is as easy as getting a date on saturday night with a real girl. of which they can do neither.

So the entire season was the Steve Irwin trying to catch these Japanese ships to throw stink bombs on their decks while attempting to avoid their water cannons but never making a direct hit to make their decks stinky. All for the whales, I think.
One episode of note, the little speed boat was along side the Japaneses ship attempting to throw bottles when the Japanese crew threw bottle caps at them. You would have thought they had thrown live grenades by the way these nerds overreacted. They were like, "we were protesting whaling peacefully but they have obviously taken it to the next level. We could have been killed by these bottle caps. How dare they?" Forgetting that they were throwing glass bottles of acid at them.

The entire season reminded me of 2 little kids fighting like babies and tattling on each other. Nobody really getting anything accomplished except "hurt feelings." Not really what I would call "war." Well here is a video summary of Whale Wars.

Hope you enjoyed that.

Well season 3 has just started. And on the season premiere, the extra slow Steve Irwin always had trouble catching those pesky Japanese whaling vessels so they added 2 new ships to their "fleet." To catch those ships they added a brand new space age looking boat called the Ady Gil that can travel twice as fast as any whaling vessel.

Sounds like a great advantage right? But in the first episode a big wave hit this ship, damaged its radar and it was sent back into harbor for repairs. Oops. And the second ship added is called the Bob Barker, named after the legendary game show host who donated $5 million toward the cause. And you would think they would take that money and buy the latest and greatest ship out there but instead they buy a huge old piece of junk with an engine as old as Bob Barker himself and cant fix it in time to leave the dock and join the Steve Irwin. Not the greatest start to the campaign so far this season.

Anyway, I am all for helping defenseless animals against illegal poaching but there has got to be a better way to do it. But as much as I find this show hilarious and ridiculous, I cant help not watching! So please tune in friday nights at 9 on Animal Planet so I am not the only one laughing at nerds risking their lives as voulnteers by throwing things at big ships to save the whales. I wonder if there will be a spin-off "Baby Seal Wars?"
Saving the world one blog at a time,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

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