An Innocent Conversation

We were driving in the van, me in the front seat, Nate in the middle row, and Zachary and Drew in the back seat. Everything was great and nobody was yelling, crying or throwing things, so it was an unusual. We had just returned from taking a walk in the park and playing on the playground in 30 degree weather. So I believe everyone was probably just defrosting. I had coats for everyone of them too so I was feeling pretty proud as a father. Not because we had left the house with coats on (because we didn't) but because once we got to the park, I ingeniously remembered that children tend to freeze in 40 degree weather and I happened to have all their coats/sweatshirts in the van from before. So I, responsibly, put on all the coats before our hike. You might not think that was a big deal, but to me I am impressed that they were all wearing shoes AND socks and 1 out of 3 was wearing underwear...maybe.

Anyway, we were driving home and I hear this little conversation strike up in the back seat. Drew turns to Zachary and with a puffed out chest and stern conviction, he very proudly announces, "I am the only one in this family who eats his own boogers!" To which I reply "NO. Do not eat your own boogers." So hearing the anguish in my voice, Zachary, our responsible child who is always trying to do right, says to Drew, "No Drew, you do not eat your own boogers around other people. You need to wait till you get home then you can eat them." And Drew non-chalantly answers "Oh,yeah. OK." To which I reply again, "No. We do not eat our own boogers." So picking up on my intonation and not my meaning, retracts his statement and says to Drew, "Oh, that's right. You need to wait till you get in your own room, and then you can eat your own boogers." Now without laughing, losing my own credibility and without crashing the car, I turn back and as seriously as possible state, "NO! It does not matter where you eat them. The point is you do no eat them at all!" I felt like I could now write my own Dr. Seuss book.

"Boogers boogers, up in there.
You do not eat them anywhere
Not where people can try to see
Not at home, while you pee.
Not in your room all alone
Not in the car or on the phone.
Do not taste them anywhere
Do not eat them, don't you dare.

Boogers boogers up in your nose
leave them there so no one knows
If you need to get them out
Grab a tissue and blow your snout
Not with a finger or a nail
cause more than likely, you will fail.
Cause as your nose begins to bleed
Daddy is judged by all who see.

So my new book "Oh the places you'll go - Nose Edition" will be released in summer 2012.

The Joyful and Tired Dad