Disney Trip 2014 - Day 3: Epcot, Part 1

Before we even got to Epcot, Nate had walked around the entire park, ten times, in his sleep, on my back!  I shared a bed with Nate this night and he literally slept perpendicular to me with his feet on my back, walking the entire night.  Even when I would reposition him, he would end up walking on me again or attempting to jump.  It was not a good night for me, but it was for him.  He was stretched out and ready for a new day.  We were up at 6:45 and at the bus stop by 8.  We met the big group at the bus stop so all 10 cousins were there throwing sticks in the woods.  And sure enough, Drew was the one that took one to the face and boy did we hear about it. 

We made it to Epcot by 8:30 and had a half hour before it opened.  So what did the 10 cousins decide to do?  That's right...wrestle..in line...next to strangers.  And what did I do?  That's right...yell.  It was before 9 and I was already yelling at our boys.  Ah, the magic of Disney.  Lindsey decided to get a picture of all 10 grandsons with Grandma and Grandpa.  And like all good intentions and great photo ops with all the grandsons, who consistently ruins the picture?  Why, the 4 year old who hates pictures of course..my child, Nate.

You can see how excited they all were to be at Disney (well 3 of them were.)  But smack dab in the center, who is that?  The one not looking is my child.  I am so proud.

And now their feeble attempts to get him to look at the camera.  Zachary is embarrassed for me.

They finally open the gates and we rush to get to Soarin'.  It is an awesome ride and all the boys love it.  Not enough to do it again, but at least we were the first ones on and did not have to go back and wait in line later in the day.

In line for Soarin'.

Next we high-tailed in over to Test Track which turned out to be our favorite ride at Epcot and top 3 of all rides.  In line, Nate decided that his parents suck and he only wanted to be with Grandma and Grandpa.  We loved designing our own cars then racing in the simulator.

Nate still obsessed with Grandma in line for Test Track.

And upset that we are still his parents.

Outside of Test Track is a "cool-off" station sponsored by Coke which is set up like a car wash that sprays water at random from the walls and from the floor.  It was not particularly hot that day but it was a welcome surprise that turned into one of our boys favorite things to do at Disney.  As evidenced by the pictures below.  They laughed and squealed the whole time while getting soaking wet.  It was pure joy on their faces that brought pure joy to ours watching them. 

I love Nate's face in this one.

 

Lindsey's comment after the car wash.  "We spent thousands of dollars to come to Disney and it turns out we should have gone to the free splash pad by our house for the same enjoyment."

 

 

On the way to our next ride we ran into a crowd that was watching the Jammin' Janitors playing on the street.  Now soaking wet, some of the boys started dancing.  Nate while dancing also punched his cousin Will in the crotch.  Meanwhile Drew, with cousin Lincoln, decided to roll on the ground and catch bubbles with their mouths.  I have video evidence of the whole scene.





After the Jammin Janitors Dance fest, we all headed for the Little Nemo ride which was great.  They incorporated animated fish into a real aquarium.  I was impressed.  After this we split from my brothers family and my parents, my sister's family and our family went to Turtle Talk with Crush.  The sign outside said it was a "10 minute wait."  We thought "that is great, it will be short, then we can go get some lunch, cause the kids are getting tired and hungry."  Well, 10 minutes came and went.  And we were standing in a line to get into a waiting area to then go into the theater.  Then everyone broke down.  Zachary got very hangry and tired of waiting, Drew started got very gassy and vocal about it, Nate was so tired he literally laid on Lindsey's back while she was still standing, my sister's kids were put on the "time out wall" for calling each other names, and one of them got stuck in the line barrier.  Well see for yourself.



We do finally get in to see Crush and it was hilarious.  Both Zachary and Drew got to talk to him and ask him a question.  We loved it.  Not enough to wait again, but we loved it enough for that one time.  Now it was time for lunch.  We split from my sister's family and only had Grandma and Grandpa with us now.  We wanted to eat in the World Showcase with all the countries because Lindsey wanted to try something that we can't get anywhere else.  The problem was that my parents are not into exotic foods and neither are the kids.  So we initially started walking to Morocco but had to change plans after my brother's family ate there and texted telling me not to take our parents there because they would hate the gyros and lamb meat.  Even though my nephew Wes reported, "those Moroccans can make a mean chicken nugget!"  So we all agreed on pizza in Italy.  The only problem was it was the furthest away from where we were and everyone was getting hangry.  But more specifically, Lindsey was hangry.  And when momma's hangry, everyone suffers.  So with my iPhone and Disney map app I was trying to find the best way to get to Italy.  All the while, hangry mommy is holding the backpack and camera bag pushing the double stroller and cursing my name as I am leading the group saying, "look guys, this is China.  Now we are in France.  Ooo Japan."

We finally arrive at Italy and discover there is no quick service only sit down restaurants that will not take our meal plan.  To which Lindsey replies to me under her breath, "you think I was mad at you before?"  So with some quick iPhone magic I found that we could eat at a place in Germany.  And it was only 2 countries away.  We get to Germany and get everyone Brats, frankfurters and off my back.  I told Lindsey, "I have officially traveled half way round the world to make you happy."  And she told me "I have now officially been angry with you in 11 countries in one day."  New Record! Yea!!

Official world traveler and record setter,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Disney Trip 2014 - Day 2 The Magic Kingdom Part 2

We just finished lunch and it was time to head back to our resort for nap time.  But we still had to face the dread after lunch sleepy bus ride where the kids could slip in the evil 15 minute "power nap."  Otherwise known as the "fake nap" or "Parental anger starter" this nap replaces the normal 2 hour nap when parents get those precious fleeting moments of a mythical concept called "Quiet."  I have only read about this so-called "quiet" in books because since having 3 boys, it is my white whale.  I know its out there, but I will never catch it.  And it haunts me.  Our boys need their sleep, especially at Disney.  They were already sleep deprived from the night before and getting up early this morning.  Do you know why Sleeping Beauty was a beauty?  Because she got her sleep.  In Sleepy Hollow, do you know why the Headless Horseman was so angry?  Because he didn't.  He had no place no rest his head!  Wakka wakka.

So as we are heading toward the exit, we see the "fake nap" in our future during the long bus ride back and fearing the inevitable, I am preparing myself for next 2 hours, trapped in a hotel room yelling at one of them to lay down, stop talking, stop wrestling, stop crying, stop whining, stop pacing, stop yelling at each other only I am allowed to yell, stop going poop, stop talking about poop, stop describing your poop, stop farting, stop laughing, and announcing "I'M DONE," every 5 minutes.  In a stroke of genius, my wife gets an idea:  They can not sleep if they are eating.  So we duck into a candy store on Main St. and buy them each a "large" sucker.  We are not talking dum-dums but a big Mickey sucker with a big Mickey head and a big Mickey ears.  Its a win-win.  Because now our kids think we are the greatest parents ever and my wife and I are high-fiving each other cause we just avoided the "fake nap." 

We get on the bus to our resort and settle in for the 45 minute ride back.  Drew is standing next to me holding onto the bus pole with one hand and his sucker in the other and Nate is sitting in a seat across from me eating his sucker.  Everything is right in the world: they are all sitting/standing quietly, eating their suckers, happy, and on our way to a nice relaxing 2 hour nap time...until. 

I look across from me at Nate and I see this progression I luckily captured on film.

Happily eating his sucker, fully awake.

Begins to think, "I have been up since 6:30 and have been walking all day at Disney."

"and this bus is rocking....and rocking... and..."

and out.

The little stinker fell asleep on the bus...with his sucker in his mouth!  So much for "eating will keep them awake."  And while my wife and I are laughing and taking pictures of our sweet baby, I realize I haven't heard from Drew in a while, who was standing right next to me.  Little known fact about Drew: he is either wiggling or complaining all the time, even in his sleep.  So it was concerning when I neither felt nor heard from him.  Now Drew had been standing next me holding the bus pole and his sucker.  When I turned to look at him, he too was dozing off but when he went to take a lick of his sucker, he used the wrong hand.  I saw him turn his head and lick the PUBLIC DISNEY BUS POLE!  After I threw up in my mouth and woke him up so he wouldn't do it again, I turned to my ultra hypochondriac wife to share this story of her middle child.  After the initial shock, we could not stop laughing.  The Disney bus system is used by thousands of people everyday and I guarantee you that they do not clean those bus poles every day, or month or possibly whole year.  Then I started to think of all the Walt Disneases that Drew could have contracted from the bus pole.  Of course severe diarrhea could end up being Disneytery.  He could contract kidney sword in the stones.  Tigger finger.  Its a small world pox.  Tinker Bell's palsy.  Viral Minnie-gitis.  Captain Hook worm.  Peter Pancytopenia.  And of course the ever popular: hand foot and mouse disease.

We arrived back to the resort and Nate woke up from his 15 minute nap.  We load everyone up and get them back to our room and into beds ready for naps.  And guess who was not tired?  Nate proceeded to keep everyone else awake because of his bus nap.   Lindsey ended up dealing with that because I needed to make a change to a dining reservation that I ended up spending 37 min on hold.  I finally got to crawl in bed after the phone call.  We had 2 queen beds and a Murphy's bed, so the open bed for me was with Drew.  As I am about to lay down, in his sleep, Drew rips a huge fart.  I loved crawling into my own special Disney dutch oven with my sweet wiggly child for a relaxing nap.  It was magical!

Everyone woke up 3 hours later.  You think we needed the sleep?  We got up and headed back to the Magic Kingdom for dinner.  We ate at the Liberty Tree Tavern which was a great family style restaurant which was surprisingly calm and peaceful for a Disney restaurant. 

The only picture of 7 where they are all smiling.

They enjoyed a root beer and a milkshake...at the same time.

After dinner, I had to take all 3 boys to the bathroom.  It was busy so they ended up sharing the same toilet at the same time standing around it.  I then had to say "Please do not pee on each other" making everybody laugh in the bathroom.  But the warning had to be given because someone was inevitably going to be peed on and most likely it would have been me.  (Even though I was 5 feet away.)  We make it out of the bathroom dry and go outside in time to see the fireworks.  It was shaping up to be a great night.

Our family during the fireworks.

Lindsey and the boys.

including Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Lynn.

G and G and Uncle Scott, Aunt Lynn and their 3 boys.  Another theme of this vacation was that in most pictures with grandpa, he is constantly looking the wrong way.

Nate was obsessed with Grandma.

After the fireworks, we met up with my brother and his family so all 18 of us were together again.  We went on the little Mermaid ride then got a place in Frontier land for the Electrical Light Parade.  We were by the frontier stockades and to my disappointment were not active nor functioning. 

Nate happy

Nate not happy.

Grandpa and the boys. (Grandpa looking elsewhere)

Most of the crew.

Lindsey and the boys watching the parade.

 
After the parade, we made it out of there in one piece fighting the traffic and hordes of people.  The great thing about naps is that even though it was late, the boys were awake and in great moods.  We returned to our room without falling asleep on the bus and got ready for another busy day tomorrow at Epcot.  Another tidbit, that night I realized how much my own children fart in their sleep.  It seems like I never will catch my white whale called "Quiet."

Call me Ishmael,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Disney Trip 2014 - Day 2: The Magic Kingdom, Part 1

The first day at our first park.  After a long night and going to bed late, you would expect the kids to sleep in, right?  I mean it vacation after all, that's what you do; sleep in.  Well my kids did not get the memo.  And as you remember from the previous posting, Nate's goal is to make sure I have the least amount of sleep as possible.  So he was up at 6:30, and proceeded to wake everyone else up too.  We are bagels in our room for our breakfast, to keep costs down.  And I knew within an hour of eating they would be hungry again anyway so why spend $100 on a meaningless Disney breakfast.  Untoasted, chewy bagels would suffice. 

We got to the bus by 8:00 and were at the Magic Kingdom park by 8:45.  We were able to catch he "opening of the park" which is really cool to watch through Nate's eyes.  There were so many singing and dancing cartoon characters.  And I am not talking about Mickey.  There were humans dressed up in 1940's gear who were so animated and cheesy.  Through their fake smiles, I could tell they were thinking, "Its just a job."  "Gotta make it till 5."  "Its this or the IHOP."  and "I love this...a little too much."  See the pictures as proof.

The boys looking at Mr and Mrs. Cheese.

Everyone was kind of confused about what we were watching.

Finally Mickey and his pals came in on a train and I loved watching Nate more than the characters as he waved and waved.  So cute. 

Lots of waving.

We even got Nate to smile!

 

Ok just 1 picture of Nate smiling.  We have 10 others like this one.

 

After the opening of the park, its was business time.  No more messing around with enjoying ourselves at "the most magical place of Earth."  It was go time.  Because its also "the most crowded place on Earth."  We split into 2 teams; one younger kids and one older kids.  The older kids headed for Space Mountain and the young ones went to Fantasy Land to ride Dumbo.  I was with Drew and Zachary in the older group and after Space Mountain, reviews were mixed.  We were not sure how they would handle roller coasters but now we knew.  Zachary stated "It was awesome but I don't want to do it again" and Drew initially said to me secretly "I did not like it, Daddy."  But after hearing his cousins rant and rave, he turns to them and screams, "It was awesome!"  My nephew Luke said to his dad, "I thought I was going to die."  And later confessed he had said a prayer while on it because he was so scared. 

Next we took the older boys to Haunted Mansion and it freaked Zachary out.  He was so scared he kept backing up and trying to leave the ride and as any good parent would do... I kept pushing him deeper and deeper in and telling him he was going to do it.  He did and afterward told me "that was my favorite ride, well at least the beginning was, in the queue."  You know the time when I was forcing him to go through with it.

We met up with the rest of the group and did "Its a small world" all together.  Now 4 years ago, when Zachary was 4 this was his favorite ride.  We went on it 3 times because he loved it so much.  (I almost jumped overboard on the second time and attempted to impale myself on a puppet sword the third time through).  So naturally I thought this would be Nate's favorite because he is now 4 as well.  Afterward when we joked about doing it again, he turns to me and says "I do NOT want to do that again, Daddy."  And started to throw a tandrum until we assure him we were just joking.  Then for the rest of the day, every time we passed by, he would make a point to tell me he was NOT doing that ride again.

All 18 of us at Mickey's PhilharMagic in 3D.

At the most Magical place of Earth.....

...Drew finds something to complain about.

After a could more rides we planned on returning back to the resort after lunch to take naps.  But as you know, after lunch is the time when kids get sleepy and we still had a 45 minute bus ride ahead of us.  The perfect time for one of the kids to pull the famous "I'll sleep in the car for 15 minutes and effectively negate the 2 hour nap you had planned for me once we get home."  Oh no, here we go.

Stay tuned for Part 2,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Disney Trip 2014 - Day 1, part 2

Dinner on day 1 needed it's own blog and pictorial.  I was most excited about day 1 dinner because it was the first official "Disney dinner" with all 18 of us: 8 adults and 10 kids....I mean, 10 boys.

We all met at Downtown Disney for our reservation at T-Rex restaurant at 6:30.  The place was packed.  Now I don't mean like there were people standing around the outside of the entrance for their tables, but  "Disney packed."  There was a line of people, 60 deep, just to put their name on the list to get in.    There were 2 lines to get in after you signed in, just to get to the inside hostess stand.  And did I mention we had 10 boys with us?  All under age 11?  And haven't seen each other until now?  It was pure chaos.  We got them into the restaurant and lined them up against a wall.  Now I must note, Nate hates pictures.  When he sees a camera, he gets very angry and refuses to smile or even look at the camera.  Its awesome.  So we were able to capture the progression on film:

The fifth boy from the left.  He is initially happy to be with his cousins but just noticed the camera.

 

Here he gets down to confirm that his picture is getting taken.

 

Now he realizes that pictures are getting taken.  And he thinks about his next move.

 

And there it is. 

 

And for good measure, Drew approaches the camera complaining about his belly being hungry.

A major theme of this trip was Drew complaining.

 

Luckily they got us to our 2 tables within a half hour.  But for some reason, I sat at the table with my brother and Lindsey and 7 kids!  This was another theme throughout this vacation, that I would end up at the "kids" table.  I have proof.

Also, please note that Nate is standing.  This was his position 90% of the time at dinner.  The other 10% was laying down or underneath the table.  Did you notice I didn't mention sitting on his bottom?  He didn't either. 

With a reservation of 6:30, we didn't get food until 8:00.  Please refer back to the picture of Drew holding his belly at 6:30 because he was hungry.  Now you can see what we were dealing with with 10 growing boys who were forced to wait for food.  My kids can not go 1 hour without eating.  My boys finish their lunch then ask for a snack 30 minutes later.  Needless to say, Zachary got very very hangry. 

My brother's kids made their own lightsabers at Downtown Disney and proceeded to get them out in a very crowded restaurant.  But it was my kid, Drew, who while fighting, hit a stranger at the neighboring table.  That was fun to apologize for. 

When all 18 people had finished eating, it was time for desert...at 8:45.  All the boys were full and did not want desert, they wanted to leave.  So they were all standing or crawling under the table or over the table or under the neighbors table or running to the bathroom.  So I ate desert standing up while trying to corral them into a corner where they could be contained.  And as the waitress was walking away, Zachary announces "the service here stinks!"  He was as done as I was, but apparently you do not get your "mouth filter" until age 9. 

Hangry

While waiting for our check, Nate fell asleep on Lindsey and then required to be carried to the bus stop through crowded and loud Downtown Disney.  He ended up waking up at the bus stop while waiting for the bus and just whimpered and cried about not being in bed...right now!  So when the bus showed up, we thought out night was almost over.  We thought. 

The buses at Disney always take the wheelchairs and scooters onto them first, then load the rest of the people.  There was an older lady in a red scooter waiting at our bus stop.  The bus driver comes out of the bus and announces that he will load the scooter then everyone else and to please be patient.  He says this 2 more times to more people before actually beginning to load the scooter.  Then he lowers the bus and wheelchair ramp for the scooter.  The old lady apparently just got the scooter today because she had no idea how it worked.  It was like the scene from Austin Powers putting the scooter in drive then reverse to move 2 inches at a time.  But everyone was graceful because she seemed old and really needed this scooter to get around.  She finally gets onto the bus, transfers to a seat, then proceeds to get back up to check on her family, waits by the door until they board, and then walks back to her seat.  The whole process takes 15 minutes as Nate is whimpering and crying to go to bed.  It was magical!

We finally get back to the resort room at 9:30 where Drew and Nate get their second wind and are up till 10.  Just what we wanted the night before a long day at the Magic Kingdom.  We are the best planners.   It seems like Disney is set up to deprive you of sleep from day 1. 

So far so good,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Disney Trip 2014 - Day 1, part 1

We had to catch an early flight so we knew it would be an early morning, but how did Nate, the 4 year old, know?  Could it be that he hates sleep and more than that he hates our sleep?  Because it is his life mission to make sure we get the least amount of sleep as humanly possible while still staying alive just enough to feed him.  We set the clock for 5:00 a.m., we hit the snooze, then Nate decided we had had enough sleep and came in at 5:30.  But before our room, we flipped the light on in his brother's room because he thought they needed to be cranky this morning too. 

We got to the long term parking lot at the airport and loaded onto the empty shuttle bus to the terminal.  The bus made 2 more stops filling the bus.  At the last stop, on a bus full of people, Zachary looks outside and declares for all to hear, "Oh No, 2 more people?"  To which my wife and I are instantly embarrassed and the rest of the bus cracks up.  One man said to him, "Well you just said what we were all thinking."  To which Z replies, "See Mommy and Daddy, I can make adults laugh,"  which brought on more laughter.  This effectively negated our previous week's life lesson about his feeble attempts to make adults laugh can come off as rude so he needs to stop trying.  So much for that teachable moment. 

When we got on the airplane, I ended up sitting by the window with Nate next to me and strange man next to him and across the aisle, Drew, Lindsey and then Zachary by the other window.  The seating arrangements are important because during half the flight, Drew and Nate kept passing things across the stranger to each other.  To the point where he had given up leaning back and started helping them pass to one another.  And Nate with his iPod (i.e. distractibility device) was not content to just play a game.  No, he had to put on "Party Rockin'" by LMFAO, sung by the Chipmunks, on repeat for the entire first hour of the flight.  I apologized to the stranger before, after and multiple times during the flight.  But he was super nice and got a big kick out of Nate so it was ok. 

But after a 2.5 hour plane trip we finally made it!

 

 

See how happy we are and full of wonder and excited about the things to come?  This is how you can tell who are the people arriving at Orlando and the people leaving Orlando.  There is a visual and unmistakable difference between the 2.

 

 

When we arrived at our Disney resort, we got in our suits and headed for the awesome pool at Port Orleans Riverside.  We loved playing in the pool and the boys loved the hot tub...a little too much.  It was probably an 8 person hot tub and there were about 15-16 people in and around it.  But Nate and Drew, not knowing hot tub etiquette had the great idea to get in the middle of the hot tub, float on their backs bumping into people, and to drink the water.  Which is especially gross because we all know people pee in the pool and the hot tub, but the hot tub is like concentrated stagnate toilet water that maintains its pee body temperature.  There is a certain amount of deniability we all agree to when swimming in a public pool or hot tub.  We all know that pee happens but we ignore it and swim anyway.  Its not until you see your own child drinking that water, that you can't deny it any longer and need to get them out.  When it was time to go, I told Nate it was time as he was leaving the hot tub.  I have never seen him do this before but he looked at me, took his 2 fingers, pointed at his eyes then to my eyes then back to his and then ran into the pool.  As if to say, "I'm watching you, watching me, watch this as I ignore you and run back into the pool."  I couldn't even get angry because it was so funny.  And it was still day 1. 

Just wait,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Disney Trip 2014 - intro to something special!

The time has arrived. The legendary Disney trip of 2014.  This was not your ordinary trip to Disney full of magic and fairy dust.  Not the kind of trip overflowing with princess dresses, Bibbity Bobbity botiques, and magical pictures of your children's faces lighting up as they meet Disney characters, in person, for the first time.  No this was a Disney trip with the Allen boys.  And not only my 3 wonderful pixies but all of their boy cousins as well.  In my family, I have a brother and a sister.  My brother has 5 boys, my sister 3 boys.  So if you did the math, that's 11 total grandsons for my parents.  No girls.  Ever.  We all tried.  Believe me, we tried. But my family does not make boys.  The 11 boys current ages range from 11 to 1.  The baby stayed at home, so 10 boys went on this trip.  This was the epic trip to Disney to take all the grandsons, with my parents, to Disney before they hit the "I'm too cool to hang with my parents and would rather have my face in an iPhone than in reality" phase in life.  The point in life when there is still magic at Disney World.  And the point in life where every frustration and mishap at Disney lends to magical blog material that must be written down and shared.  So these next blog posts serve 2 purposes.  1 - to share with the world the ridiculousness that is our life, and at Disney no less; and 2 - to have a written journal of all the amazing memories and stories that happened so we will never forget.

So please enjoy these upcoming posts because you can not put 10 grandsons together on a trip to Disney without hilarious things happening.  And they did.

Magically yours,
The Joyful and Tired Dad

Friday the 13th!!!!!!

I am not superstitious.  I did not even realize it was Friday the 13th until 9:30 this morning.  But after I heard the date, my morning all made sense.

I awoke this morning at 5:50 am with the puppy, Lily, crawling all over my face.  She could not stop pacing in our bed.  I didn't think anything of it cause she will do that throughout the night then lay back down and go to sleep.  But on the 233rd lap around the bed, I realized she was shivering.  So thinking she was cold, I grabbed her and tried to cuddle with her to keep her warm.  That lasted 2 seconds because I wanted to cuddle and she hates to cuddle on my terms.  She went back to shivered pacing around the bed.  Thinking she has to pee, I got up, took her downstairs, took her outside in the cold and let her out.  Now I was shivering.  She peed just a little but being 6:00 in the morning I didn't think anything of it.  Not until I returned to my bed.  I climbed in to my nice warm, inviting bed and realized my feet felt wet.  I did not step in anything on my way up stairs?  I then felt the bottom of my bed and discovered why she did not pee very long outside!  Her pee had soaked all my covers, sheets, and mattress...on my side of the bed!  So I did what any normal drowsy person would do...I tucked my feet into the fetal position, tried to ignore it and go back to sleep.  But now my hand smelled like pee from checking it and my feet were still wet and smelled of pee.  So did I do the responsible thing and get up, wake my sleeping bride next to me to start the cleaning process and laundry?  No, I grabbed my pillow and went to the other bedroom.  She was going to find out if I told her or if she rolled in it.  At 6 in the morning I didn't care how she found out.   

Well I was able to drift gently back to sleep preparing for a nice long slumber in a warm, dry bed. Then 5 minutes later Nate woke up.  When Nate wakes up he knocks on his door until everyone else in the house is up.  And sure enough in 2 minutes everyone was awake including my wife asking me why I was in the other bed.  To which I replied, "we are getting rid of the puppy.  I'm done." 

I spend the next half hour stripping the bed, piling pee-soaked sheets and blankets in laundry, pouring vinegar and water on the mattress, soaking up the mattress, and then taking a shower to get the pee and vinegar smell off of myself.  I can't believe how much pee there was.  The puppy is only 4 pounds but probably released 2 gallons of pee on my side of the bed.  I did not realize she went binge drinking last night and never relieved herself before bed.

While I am cleaning the bed, all 3 kids came upstairs because they were all yelling at each other and were sent to their rooms.  But since 2 of them share a room, another fight broke out about who gets to go to the shared room.  I wonder if parents of girls get "quiet time" in the morning as everyone is waking up and sweet to each other.  As a parent of all boys, I hear my first whine within 2 minutes and the first wrestle match/fight within 6 minutes of eyes opening.  There is no such thing as "quiet time." 

After 3 heart to heart talks about not fighting and whining in the morning because you are slowly killing mommy and daddy, Zachary almost misses his bus.  We both run outside and the bus stops in front of our house to make a special stop for him.  He gets on, crisis averted.  I come back inside to find my 2 younger boys taking our special talk (that we had 5 minutes ago) to heart by fighting with each other and making Nate cry.  I grab Drew and throw him on the couch to stop the fighting and walk away only to hear Drew say, "Eww. What is that?"  I look and in front of the couch where I was just standing was what looked like 3 poop stains smeared into the carpet.  I look at my shoes and sure enough there was poop.  Oh yea, I not only get to clean pee out of a mattress but poop out of carpet too!  But after sniffing my shoe, I discover it is only mud!  This is the highlight of my day!  I celebrate!  When I ran out to catch the bus with Zachary I had stepped in mud, not poop.  It was an easy clean-up, considering.  My wife can only laugh at my morning at this point.  To console me, she offers a new recipe of oatmeal, flax seed muffins that contain no sugar or taste.  So much for a delicious breakfast.  To complete my morning, I asked her if there were any toilets that need unclogged because at this point, why not?  The morning did not get much better after I left because once I got to work while changing a patient, I stuck my bare hand in a pee-soaked diaper, accidentally.  This was all before 9:30 in the morning.

So when I heard it was Friday the 13th, it all kind of made sense.

Becoming more superstitious,
The Joyful and Tired Dad